Frustration
Rachel blogged about frustration yesterday. Thought I'd add some thoughts.
It never fails as conference time approaches, enemy attacks increase. Of course, it's not all the devil, some of it is just the stress of getting the last bit details done. Days are too short. I don't even want to sleep because there are so many things to do. Finances are a concern and that stresses me more--leaving when I don't want to. Being away from my boys for a week. (at least my daughter is coming with me). One of my group of friends isn't coming to the conference this year and that bums me out.
I'm not resting in the joy of the Lord right now. It seems like everything I do is wrong, everything I say causes hurt or pain, my actions are misunderstood and leave me feeling like a failure. I want to just hide away and not be around anyone. I guess I'm not as changed as I thought I was.
Poured my heart out to someone yesterday and they ignored me. I am sooo mad at myself. I knew better than to expose myself to this person. I KNEW BETTER. UGH. I hate it when I get sucked into opening up only to be made to feel like a fool. Like I don't measure up. I hate that I'm not yet the person I know God is making me to be. I hate that I care what people think, but I do. I DO. My choice: stop being vulnerable and stop being hurt. Or continue being vulnerable and risk being hurt, but in the meantime, maybe be in a position to make a difference for someone else. I guess I know which I'll choose. But for today I'm not past the hurting. It will pass. It did last time, and the time before. And it will again.
Peace
It never fails as conference time approaches, enemy attacks increase. Of course, it's not all the devil, some of it is just the stress of getting the last bit details done. Days are too short. I don't even want to sleep because there are so many things to do. Finances are a concern and that stresses me more--leaving when I don't want to. Being away from my boys for a week. (at least my daughter is coming with me). One of my group of friends isn't coming to the conference this year and that bums me out.
I'm not resting in the joy of the Lord right now. It seems like everything I do is wrong, everything I say causes hurt or pain, my actions are misunderstood and leave me feeling like a failure. I want to just hide away and not be around anyone. I guess I'm not as changed as I thought I was.
Poured my heart out to someone yesterday and they ignored me. I am sooo mad at myself. I knew better than to expose myself to this person. I KNEW BETTER. UGH. I hate it when I get sucked into opening up only to be made to feel like a fool. Like I don't measure up. I hate that I'm not yet the person I know God is making me to be. I hate that I care what people think, but I do. I DO. My choice: stop being vulnerable and stop being hurt. Or continue being vulnerable and risk being hurt, but in the meantime, maybe be in a position to make a difference for someone else. I guess I know which I'll choose. But for today I'm not past the hurting. It will pass. It did last time, and the time before. And it will again.
Peace
posted by Tracey Bateman at 7:45 PM
2 Comments:
I so hear you on this post. I could have written it word for word if I wasn't avoiding my blog.
(btw you can add word verification
on here and it will stop spam like the above.)
Stay still, Tracey. It's usually when we feel this way that God has amazing stuff just ahead for us. I, for one, can't wait to see you in Nashville! Woohoo - six more days...
love ya,
staci
Post a Comment
<< Home