Breathe...

Working toward a deadline again. Almost ready to turn it in before beginning the next.

I still haven't gotten clear direction about my next proposal. It's so weird to see the end of the year looming and know I have nothing to do after the first of December. I've had a couple of opportunities come up, but they didn't really stick. Sometimes that happens. You can't get your hopes up and count on possibilities. That's why it's so important to get God's view on things. Still not positive I made the right choice with one of them. But probably did.

Well, the 5K is off. I have to stay home and work and it's a two hour drive to and from Branson. Too much time off. That sucks. But I WILL do those 3.1 miles on my treadmill. Not the same though. And a collosal waste of admission money. Sometimes, though you just have to choose what's right. I need to get this deadline turned in. My editor is counting on it. And I'm counting on getting it off my plate!

I'm rambling. really bad. Oh, well. Better I ramble for you than my book and have to rewrite the thing.

Have a great day. Maybe something profound will enter my brain soon and I'll have a relevant blog.
OH. The funniest shirt......"Shut up, stupid brain, or I'll poke you with a Q-tip"

Peace

Choices

Boy, it's been awhile since I blogged. And I was doing so great! That's the thing about commitment. I'm not so good at it. A writer's loop I'm on has been talking about that very topic and many have made public commitments to do this or that in regards to their writing. But I shudder at resolutions, be they January 1 or August whatever. I don't say that flippantly. I doggone wish I weren't so weak. I miss out on a lot of good because I'm so bad so much of the time. (Sound like a four year old, don't I?) But really, I can't seem to get past the do what feels good mentality. I would have been a FABULOUS flower child in the sixties. I hope I would have been a Jesus Freak, but might have been on the other side of the coin. I know for sure I would NOT have worn a bra. But that's beside the point.

The real topic of my life the last couple of weeks has been about choice. Doing the right thing when the flesh screams out to do the wrong thing. Every time I make the right choice, I KNOW it's best, but I still mourn what might have been. Do you? Honestly. Or am I the only person in the world who is Obedient, but not necessarily willing from time to time? I know we are to be willing AND obedient, but most of the time all I can muster is obedience. Sometimes it's the small choices, like passing on the next bite or not driving so fast (because I tend to like to get where I'm going a little faster than the state of Missouri wants me to get there). But sometimes the issues are bigger and potentially fatal to my spiritual life. Those are the hardest choices. But once made, God can start working on the heart.

Create in me a clean heart, O God. And renew a right spirit within me....

All I can say is "thank God for grace".

Peace out. Make the right choice. It's worth it.

Resisting unto blood

Have you ever struggled against sin in your life, fought it so hard that you actually bled?
Jesus did. He fought against the struggle inside of him as he prayed in the garden the night he was betrayed. Fought so hard, that he actually sweat out great drops of blood, the bible says.

A few years ago when God required me to stop smoking, he gave me Heb 12 as my scripture for that first week. I had to keep saying, "I have not yet resisted unto blood. I can do this. Jesus resisted unto blood."
You see. We are way too easy on ourselves. I love Pastor Rick, our youth pastor. he speaks my language so clearly. This morning the church building was really hot and he said, "I don't feel sorry for you, I played a softball tournament in 100 degrees yesterday. It's only about 80 in here." LOL Rick's a barbarian too. He is NOT a nuturer. but he was right. We couldn't spend ten more minutes so that a man could be born again? A person gave his life to Jesus in our 80 degree hot church today.

God is dealing with me. Time to toughen up.
I'm a warrior princess. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

In order for me to stop sinning in my stomach, I had to have gastric bypass and cut it down to the size of a thumb. And don't go all spiritual on me, Jesus himself said if your right hand offends you, cut it off. It's better to go to heaven maimed than to go to hell. Right? Well, if I spent 30 years trying to get victory over gluttony and couldn't, then I had to take a drastic approach. God gave me the solution. I took it and now I have to walk in obedience in my eating, but I was required to be careful with eating. So I learned to eat a new way.

One more thing that goes along with what I've been saying so far...
Today my past came back to confront me. Someone who absolutely terrorized me years ago stepped across my path. I wanted to run out of the church. I did sort of run to the other SIDE of the church for a little while, trembling. But as we began to sing At the Cross (Hillsongs) "At the cross I bow my knee where your blood was shed for me. There's no greater love than this. You have overcome the grave. Your glory fills the highest place. What can separate me now?"
I remembered that jesus was treated so much worse than I was. He forgave. I went to a new place in Jesus today.
He set me free.
Aleluia

It's official--I'm running a race

A metaphorical race, yes. Racing toward the goal to obtain the prize in Christ. BUT I'm also running an actual physical race. In three and a half weeks, I'm running a 5K race. I sent off the forms and entry fee today.
Does this make me a runner? I really know there's no way I would win. I will come out somewhere in the middle, probably. Oh, I will NOT be last. I guarantee you that. If I have to trip someone, I won't be last. JK!

There's something very earthy and real about dripping with sweat, your hair wringing wet, your socks damp when you finish. It's about pushing your body to limits you don't think you can go. Yes, all of that sweat, all that limit-pushing in 3.2 miles at a slow jog. But hey, one man's marathon is another girl's 5K. I'm just sayin'...

I have years of obesity melting off my body with every mile I run. THe 100 lbs is gone from my body. But not from my mind. Mindsets, body image, the tendency to look away when beautiful people--male and female--walk toward me. God is using running to reshape how I think about me. He thinks I'm awesome. I know that. It's just hard to convince myself of the same thing.

About the 5K race. God put this on my heart. Used my friend, a chiropractor, Kevin Lynxwiler to inspire me.
Thanks, Kevin. You're an awesome man of God. I love how you care for your family--those beautiful amazing girls in your life, whom I love so much. I admire how you take care of the temple God has entrusted to you. Your comittment and endurance has made me determined! You allow God to heal through your hands and I find that the most inspiring of all. I know you'll be cheering me on from afar, while I run.