Living life with Grace

Okay,

I thought Jerry's response to Jen's REJECTION was really graceful (Bachelorette upset). I have to admire Jen's chutzpa. I mean, she could have accepted the proposal to make everyone happy. But she didn't. I can't be mad at her for doing what she wants to do. The world is so mixed up, isn't it? I've definitely decided not to watch the next Bachelor.

Jerry accepted the rejection with grace. I don't know why that made me think about accepting life's stress and disappointments with graciousness, dignity, kindness, grace. I truly believe one of life's biggest lessons is about learning to walk gracefully--not being reactionary. My friend Rachel teaches me about this grace as I observe her life. She is kind. Treats people who hurt her with love and gentleness. I've watched the devil use people to try to destroy her confidence in the past few months, yet she still faces life with dignity, presses on, and succeeds. She is my role model right now. I want to lash out at times. And at times I do. I'm learning to stand back, count to ten, pray while I'm counting and then ask Jesus for the right response. Rachel lives this life. Her committment to Jesus and the work of the ministry inspires me. My heart is just bursting with love for my friend tonight. I pray that Jesus will do something extra special for her soon, to show her how amazing He thinks she is.

Today, I made an appointment to begin piano lessons. I am an okay piano player. I plunk around with chords, to an untrained ear, I sound okay. But anyone who knows how to play, knows better. :) I was talking to my mom the other day about living the dream. She is an aspiring author like so many of my friends and acquaintances and told me how my life looks to some people. I'm a full time writer. Where I set out to be. where many, many aspiring writers want to be. I'm so grateful to God. But as much as I love my work, I am NOT living the fullness of my dream. I told my mom that on a scale where you have zero and then little lines and then a 1 and then more lines and then a 2, i feel like I might be at the first line between zero and one on a scale that goes up to 100 in terms of where I am and where I'm going to be some day. I am a big dreamer.

I want to play the piano better. I want to paint a picture (a good one, NOT the Mona Lisa, but no paint by number either). I want to lose 130 lbs. I want to run a marathon (I really, really want to run a marathon). I want to be on The Amazing Race with my friend Susie Warren. (And BTW, SHE'S doing the bunji jumping, I have to eat the gross stuff). I want to cut a CD someday. I want to write a really good song and actually sell it to someone who can record it. i don't know...I think these dreams are attainable. But do I have the grace to walk out the committment it will take to achieve EACH of these dreams let alone all of them. I don't know. I really don't. But I am starting wiht walking on my treadmill, eating better, (Chickened out on the Daniel fast ). It's a start. I'm 35 years old. Oprah ran her marathon at 40 years old.
I have other dreams that I have hidden inside that only Jesus knows. They're too precious to share. Dreams can be crushed by one raised eyebrow, one short laugh. Mary hid the angel's word regarding Jesus in her heart until the time to reveal the plan was right. Even some of these that I've shared are risky. People are cynical, and cynics intimidate me. To look at me, who would think I could lose enough weight or ever get into proper shape to run a block let alone a marathon. But jesus put this dream in my heart when I was 14 years old. I believe He did. And I've never let it go. But I've never worked for it either. Time is a factor. I admit. Sometimes I think I'm not rowing with both oars. :) The tighter the deadlines, the more I take on. I need grace to work it all out. Grace and chocolate, but then....the chocolate will make me unable to lose weight. I need Peace. Grace and Peace. And sleep.
Good night.
:)

Getting it together

I'm finally breathing again. The hubbub of changing boards is slowing down. I love ACFW. AM honored to be part of this amazing organization. God has blessed me indeed!! Having to set priorities though so that my time does not get stolen by inconsequential things leaving no room for the things that matter most--like my kids and husband! (and of course American Idol, Survivor, Apprentice, and Days of our Lives.)

Still missing the gang. Girls, if you read this. I LOVE YOU TOTALLY!

Writing has been slow. And that's a problem as I have three books to complete in four months. Hmmm.... God can and (from experience I know he WILL) see me through, cover me, and make me shine. He loves me that much. As long as I keep my heart right He makes sure I don't fail. What a God I serve. I love how He loves me. I love Him!

Rusty and I are getting ready to do our version of a daniel fast. I can't go off of caffeine right now because I can't afford a couple of days worth of headache and fatigue from withdrawl, but the veggies and fruits, we're going to do for three days, starting on Monday. Rusty will be having protein shakes because he has to have more than fruits and veggies.
Totally a health thing. Hope I can do it. :) Don't send me any chocolate, whatever you do because I WILL cheat.

We bought out daughter a minicar. Well, I guess it's a whole car, it's just tiny. A convertible. a 1992 Mercury Capri with only 60K miles on it. A great little first car for her. Right now she's only 15, but will be getting her license this summer. She drives it on our road between our house and Rusty's Mom's house (about half a block.) She's doing great. Our friends were selling the car (their daughter had gotten it as a first car), so we knew we were getting a great ride. Rusty will drive it until Cat's ready for it. Then I guess we'll have to buy him another one. He wants an AVALANCHE. We'll see. A soldier home from the war deserves to drive what he wants. Hopefully we'll find one in our price range.

Anyone in the Lebanon, Missouri area, or close enough to drive, bring your teenagers to Lebanon Family Church on Friday nights. We're have youth services called REVOLUTION. The kids are excited, our youth pastor is fantastic, and the youth band is phenomenal!

Gotta go. I plan to finish polishing what I have written on The Color of the Soul and move forward.

Love you.
Tracey

Destiny, Reality TV, and Peace

Hello! It seems like it's been forever since I updated. Was going to the other day, but forgot my username. I remembered it today. Weird. A little blip in the ol' brain processor, I guess.

Since my previous blog I've become President of ACFW. It's been a very busy week, getting used to my duties and helping to field everyone else's as well. God had blessed me with a great group of helpers who are SOOO capable and amazing. Our first meeting went off without a hitch and we got a lot done.

Missing my friends. A lot. C, S, S, R, A.....Too busy to hang. Too busy to write. Too busy to cook. :) Destiny. Takes a lot of energy. I know I'm in God's will. That's what keeps me from curling up and bawling like a baby.

Today I go see a dentist. No, a peridontist. Sheesh. I've never had a cavity. Why must I deal with gum issues?
Yikes, what a bummer blog.

Good news, American Idol is on three times a week for the next three weeks! Gotta have my dose of Simon. I love the smirk. Better news, Bachelorette is almost over. Thank God. Compelled to watch. Don't like Jen. Do like Survivor, though! And one of my friends and I are getting into shape so we can be on Amazing Race. What do you think? The middle-aged Romance writer moms? I think it's a pretty good gimmick and I BET it gets attention.
We're going to do it. Be watching in like a year or two. (I've gained weight since we started getting into shape for it. :) )
Speaking of weight, I woke up asking the Lord about that. Why do I gain weight when stress starts closing in? I know I use food for comfort. By HE is my comforter, my peace, my port in a storm, my all in all. Food is good. But HE is great. So I prayed that he would be my peace and comfort today. That I can resist my tendency to use food to fill that empty void that only God can fill. The void caused by too much work to do, and not enough hours in the day.

So that's it for today. Peace. Jesus. Not food. :)
Tracey

The war within

Church was awesome today. As always. I have THE all timey best church in the history of churches (Bible times don't count). My pastor started a three week series today called THE STRUGGLE WITHIN about the life of Jacob.

We all have the propensity for good and the propensity for evil. The war between flesh and spirit. Those things I do , I do not want to do. The things I want to do, I don't do! It's an age old struggle. Praise God for the Holy Spirit, the paracletos (in the greek) The comforter, convictor, the one who is a genius and a gentleman. He leads us into ALL truth. Gently guides us toward the right course. Sometimes we do have to force ourselves out of the Comfort zone to do what is right.

It's being led by God. Eating the right foods when we want the wrong ones. Doing dishes just because it's the right thing to do. God's teaching me to follow him. It's not just about sin. It's about living an excellent lifestyle. I'm working on it. Working hard on presenting my body a living sacrifice. Exercise, proper nutrition. Discipline about work habits.

We had such a great, quiet afternoon. I read OBSESSED, by Ted Dekker. It was not as Ted Dekkerish as his last few books. It was awesome though. I still have to recommend THE SURROGATE by Kathryn Mackel. She's a new favorite author.

I'm recommitting to a spirit of excellence in my life. Jesus is the center of all of my actions, attitudes, and decisions.

You are the Center of it all
The Universe declares in awe
Your majesty I surrender all

Will you commit with me to making Jesus the center? To surrender to the propensity to obey the spirit when you're in a struggle? Let me know if God is tugging at your heart.

Love lots!

An anniversary Blog

Awesome day!
First of all, it is my 16th anniversary. Crazy. Half the time I still feel sixteen years old. How can I have been married that long??? Well, suffice to say, Rusty is a great husband, an incredible dad, a royal pain an a tremendous blessing. I'm lucky to have a guy who let me play on my computer for three years before I got serious about writing. Then worked two and sometimes three jobs while I really worked at landing a sale. MAN! I sooo want to just let that guy retire and be my Kept Man. :) He deserves to have whatever he wants. Okay, he'll never read this, so I'm safe putting it out there.

We were going to go out of town for the weekend to celebrate, but the kids had some stuff going on and I didn't want to be out of town when they were going to be out and about (I know, I'm protective, but that's just me). So we went to dinner then to see HITCH with Will Smith. Laughed until we CRIED. It was so funny. You gotta go see that. Then guess what we did???? Bought tickets for the next movie IN GOOD COMPANY with Dennis Quaid. I just love that guy. Especially since Meg Ryan (my former fave) dumped him.
Anyway, speaking of kids. I got a major revelation today. I mean this is something that I knew in my heart, but didn't really know deep down. I guess I'm dense. God really loves my kids MORE than I do. GASP. How is that even possible???? As much as I long for them to be happy and healthy and Loved and favored and successful in everything they set their hands to...He wants it so much more. I really can trust His Love for my darlings. That just came to me as a heavy revvy today. So I thought I'd pass it along. Trust God with your babies. Trust him with the child who is running from God. Trust him with the daughter who is starting to date, or the son who just got his license. God wants GOOD things for your children. He wants to see them tucked in safely every night and pure when they stand at the altar and say wedding vows.
I'm trusting God and the relationship He has with my children.

Anyway, I've had a full day. Rusty and I went to Wal-mart after the late movie (and BTW, I had NO idea so many people go to Walmart that late!), and I bought a weight bench for my anniversary present. Rusty tried to find the Jurrassic Park trilogy on DVD, but we couldn't find it.

Okay, 'nuff blogging.
Pastor's Wife taught ladies Bible study today about the Fruit of the Spirit. Do you know that part of the meaning of the greek word for Goodness is chastening. Hmmmm God's goodness compells Him to chasten us. Thank God for his correction in my life. Boy do I need it!
Good night.
'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.
Just to take him at his word.
Just to rest upon His promise,
Just to know "Thus saith the Lord.
Jesus, Jesus, How I trust You,
how I've proved you O're and o're. J
esus, Jesus, precious Jesus.
Oh, for grace to trust you more.

GET OVER IT

Do you ever just feel like you did in Jr. High or High School? For me that means really feeling out of place, unaccepted. I sort of came out of my shell as I matured, but there are still times when I'm that geeky, chubby, Jr. High girl who would do just about anything to fit in.

I think our past can really play a role in how we see ourselves. My friend and I were talking today about how hard it is to stop seeing ourselves the way we used to be. When you go back to your hometown, people don't see the person you are. They remember who you were. But I can't see myself that way. I have to allow myself to believe that the old me is gone. Yesterday is over. New Mercies direct my day. And how I conduct myself today, determines my tomorrow.

I had such a fun weekend. My church had a tailgate party for lunch on Sunday for Superbowl Sunday (I was still pouting that the Chiefs weren't playing so I didn't have much of an apetite).
I have had a great working week so far. Getting edits done and ready to go. Catching up on critiques for my friends. They should take them while they can, because we all know once I get back to work on new material next week, I'm hunkering down again. :) Joined Weight Watchers online today. Will keep you posted on that. I have a ton to lose. Well, return isn't working so I can't get a new paragraph. So I'll close. LOVE JESUS. Love the world.

One of those days

This week has been weird! I finished my deadline and then sort of crashed. My body hasn't realized that sleep is an option yet, so insomnia sets in every night. But tonight is the night I sleep! I can feel it.

Today I had one of those days where I laid around, watched RAY. Man, that Jaimie Foxx really nailed the character. I was inspired to get back into my next deadlined project which features an African American man during the late forties. THE COLOR OF THE SOUL. I was so excited to get a mock up of my cover this week. I set it to wall paper on my computer for inspiration. The big question I have is...how do I go from writing first person, present tense, to writing a dramatic third person past tense. I think I better read The Mark of the Lion series again just to get me back in that frame of mind. I guess I can force myself. :)

Hmm. I'm not feeling very brilliant or inspiring tonight, so I guess I'll sign off.
Be blessed.