Finishing what You start

Guess what today is? It's my finish line. My book will be ready today. For better or worse. I struggle, because you know what? I want to give my best. Excellence. It's not good enough just to get it done, I want it polished and clean so that when my editor sees it, all I hear is WOW. (before I hear the inevitable--'gotta change this part').

That's the thing about setting goals and accomplishing them. Before I finished my first book, I was a quitter. I would start projects and not see them to completion. God used my love for writing to teach me to follow through. I truly believe there are people out there just filled with greatness, people who could be the next Mark Twain or Francine Rivers. People who need to glue their butts to the chair and finish their books.
It takes guts to be a writer. It takes hard work. I've worked fifteen hours a day for the past two weeks to meet my deadline. NOt all that is writing. Part is editing, reading and rereading. Making sure certain facts are straight.

Today my friend is reading through the entire book (except the final chapter)to look for final mistakes I don't see. Faithful friends. She reads each chapter as it goes to her, then reads every manuscript for me at least once. I would be lost without someone to help me see the mistakes. Today I will writes THE END. I will print out the book, read it, go back through it one more time for editing. And Monday, (deadline day) it'll be on my editor's desk. And I have about three books piled up that I'm going to READ. And I'm getting my nails done (a little guilty pleasure I discovered before the last ACFW conference). I'm going to go to noon prayer at my church and reconnect with my church family. Mid week, I will start on a rewrite for another editor and a copyedit on another book for the same editor. I have a full, wonderful, stressful, BLESSED to the Nth degree, life.

I love this job God has given me. I look forward to a couple of days off though. I want to play a game with the kids. Take them to get hamburgers and maybe see a movie if there's a decent one out. They understand when I'm on deadline, but they're always ready for some reconnect time.

Time to finish up. CLAIRE is coming to her lightbulb moment (for the moment). Had to force myself to stop last night. I'd written over 5000 words. My arms were hurting, my head was fuzzy. I knew I couldn't give it my best at that point and the scene coming up is too important for half-effort. I'm wide-eyed and clear headed now.
Love to you all, Next week I hope to be more consistent with daily or every other daily blogging.
Sad, the loss of Johnny Carson. All the oldie greats are dying. I might watch a Dean Martin/Jerry Lewis movie next week.

deleted my last blog entry

I didn't have a problem with it. But I think maybe some people might be offended. I mentioned the bad rap romance publishers and writers get in the writing world. I was too tired. Didn't weigh my words. Probably offended authors who write for the trade line.

I still think there's too much elitism in the business, but I guess it's everywhere. Jesus absolutely expects me not to show it. It's hard to be on the receiving end. I also have to watch my attitude toward those who have set up their own thrones and can't see it. Or see it and don't care. But then...who am I to judge? We're all works in progress.
Just like my book....which I am ALMOST finished with and that's where I'm headed now.
Love to all.

Trust

The last couple of weeks have been challenging. Decisions to make, a book to write for a new editor--what if she hates it?,Kids to take care of while my husband is away all week and home on weekends. I've been close to overwhelmed. But God promised when we go through waters we won't be overcome, when we walk through fire we won't be burned. And he's been faithful. Making my decision has taken off a lot of stress. I know that win or lose, I'm doing the right thing. I can have peace knowing that. Today I asked Debra, a friend and fan, to read CLAIRE. She said everything about it that I prayed God would make it. I feel ready to finish the process and turn it in by deadline. Kids are gone for the night, so I plan to work through the night. I'm such a nocturnal creature. I can't seem to really get going until it's dark and still. Just God working his story through me. I don't know how secular authors who do not rely on God write good books. I would be toast without His guidance, love, and constant assurance that He's in control.

I need a nap!

so, deadline mania has set in. It never fails, two weeks before a deadline I become a compulsive overeating, crazy woman insomniac. Thank God we don't have to add PMS to that, because when THAT happens I definitely need to run away from home.
So I was up until five this morning working. I love working at night. It's just me and God and it feels like I'm the only person in the world. Like I have God's full attention, somehow. It's a nice feeling. Like childhood memories of being the only kid to go to the store with Mom. You know? Or going fishing with Dad.
BUT the problem with staying up all night is that I don't sleep well the next day. So I have to force myself to get into some work done.
So I threw my hat in the ring for ACFW president. Tough decision, but one I feel good about. Now it's completely up to God.
Well, off to work...or sleep, or work until I fall asleep.

Now I have to put in a plug for my friend, Chris's blog. Last night while procrastinating, I went over and read the latest entry. She tells about her parents' sixtieth anniversary party. So sweet. Made me cry.
www.christinelynxwiler.com

There's nothing like having good friends. God has blessed me with a group of best friends who love me, support me, and pray for me.
I hope you have good friends. There's nothing like it.

Old Friends and grilled cheese

Happy Sunday.
It's quiet today. I stayed up very late working on my deadline and didn't haul myself up in time for church. I confess. The closer I get to deadline, the more sporadic my church attendance becomes. Twice a week becomes once a week and usually the last week I go missing entirely.
You can set your clock by it. Not a good thing. I need to focus my priorities better.
Is Jesus the center of it all?
Hmm
Feeling guilty. I got up (at 11am) cooked the world's best comfort food. Grilled cheese. It didn't assuage my guilt, but it was really really good. :)

Last night I received one of the greatest things I've gotten in ages. An old friend found my website and contacted me. Today I am thanking God for renewed relationships. I am opening my heart and not holding back my friendship just because we had a falling out several years ago. God is a god of second and third and fourth, and seventy times seven chances. How awesome that He loves me enough to give me back a friend.

Let your friends know how much they mean to you.
Love Jesus, love the world. He's coming back on wings of love.
I'm going to go and write.

Hide the Cord PLEASE

Okay, so yesterday I didn't make it here to blog, because guess what? I rounded up all the phone cords (I thought) in the house and told my daughter to hide them! Rusty was supposed to take them with him, but he forgot. SO I had a whole day to just work and I got a TON of writing done. Which made my mother very happy. She likes to read my daily word count.
So today I did the same thing, only I forgot one and there it was, just taunting me with all five feet of possibility. SIGH what's a gal to do? :)

I have a delimma. :) again. Today, my delimma is which opening to use for my book. I keep going back to it over and over and over! I've written four or five openings and none of htem have that Gone with the Wind-esque draw... you know?
"Scarlett O'hara was not beautiful, but men seldom realized it when caught by her charm as the Tarleton twins were..." WHO could put that down???

Or Tiger Lillie the new book out by Lisa Samson (I think is her last name)
"I have a skeleton inside of me."
I read that one line and had to buy the book. Now I am a fan of this woman.

I read a line from a book called: Growing up on the Edge of the World and what drew me was the first line of chapter two (thought it was chapter one when I opened it at the store)
"On (date) the rapture came. I was in bed at the time."

These are killer openings. I love them. These writers are fantastic and effortless in drawing the reader in, not only to the book, but also introducing the theme of the book.

I don't want a ho-hum opening. So I'm writing my chapters daily and going back to my opening to struggle and lament. I keep reminding myself that I haven't yet sweat great drops of blood like our Lord did the night he was in the garden, so there is still struggle in me. I WILL get this opening right!

Love Lots!!!
Have a terrific day. Love Jesus, love the world, love each other.
:)

Sing it again!

My son turned 7 today. Rusty and I woke him up by singing happy birthday. When we were done he asked us to sing it again, because he was half asleep the first time. How sweet is that? Of course the other three kids just wanted us to shut up.

Kids. What a challenge. I feel completely qualified to write the MOMLIT I'm writing. My 13 year old son practices his come on lines on our dog. LAME-O lines like "Hey, baby, I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?" GAG. Even the dog turns away.

Woops. Storms are brewing. Better go before my computer gets fried.
My heart is with the mudslide victims. Sheesh. Natural disasters. Are we in the beginning of sorrows? Who knows? Watch and Pray.
Love Jesus. Love the World.
I Love You!

Smokin'!

Today I smoked! No not cigarettes. I mean I worked so hard and so fast I had smoke coming out of my ears!
Got tons done. Got a nice compliment from one of my editors. Feast or famine. I either have great days or terrible days. I have to learn not to be moved emotionally by any of it.
We're gearing up for crazy cold by Thursday. Maybe snow. we've been having Spring weather three or four days a week and then winter and then back to spring.
Weird.
Well, it's been good. I'm tired. I'm going to bed.

Good night. Jeremiah 33:3
Call upon me and i will answer thee and show you great and might things thou knowest not.

Ask and it shall be given, seek and ye shall find, knock and the door shall be opened.

A day off!!

Today I decided I needed to get away. Just stay off the computer. No writing on my CLAIRE book, no dealing with American Christian Fiction Writer stuff.
So! I slept until 9 am. Rusty got up with the kids and got them off to school. Then he brought me coffee in bed. (I spilled it on my sheet when I took a sip! THere are no PERFECT days. :) )
I met a great woman this afternoon who took my picture. I liked her a lot UNTIL I saw the pictures. But then, I guess it's not her fault the camera doesn't take 80 pounds off.
Had to get a photo to my editor's assistant at Warner Faith for their new catalogue. I'm so excited for the opportunity to write for this company. It's going to be a LONG year until it comes out. BUT I do have a lot of books coming out in 2005, and every release is exciting.

So anyway, today was a slow-moving, nonstressful kind of day that I desperately needed. Too bad I can't have about three more. But guess what??? I'm dying to finish Claire. You never know what that woman is up to!
Tomorrow I'm going to find out what's next on HER agenda. And next year, you all can too! I hope you will want to. :)

I love Jesus!!

Throw out those nets!

Pastor Matt spoke about launching out into the deep. Our church's vision for 2005. Go deeper. KNow God more intimately. When Jesus told his disciples to throw out their netS, Peter said, I'll throw out my NET. Guess what? The net broke! If they had thrown out PLURAL nets in the first place the nets wouldn't have broken and they would have gotten even more fish. This goes back to expectation. What is your capacity to grow in God? Are you ready to go deeper? Reach farther? Or do you think one little net worth of God is all you need?

I want all God has for me. I don't want to only put myself out there in such a manner that I know I can handle, I want to toss out all I've got and let God fill up all the places in my life that I need filled. Overflowing, but not breaking. I can trust Him to equip me for the tasks

I'm venturing into some new areas of ministry this year. I've always centered my ministry to music. But have felt God leading me to a ministry in our church under fantastic leadership, called UNIFIED. We work to make sure people know they are loved, important, make sure we know when they are missing if they have needs. It's a fantastic outreach ministry that forces me to get out of my comfort zone and reach out to people. Another area I'm committing to is once a month teaching a children's class. Our children's ministries at my church LEBANON FAMILY CHURCH (for those who may be in the Lebanon, Missouri area).

So the busy get busier. Am still praying about another area of leadership God may be calling me to that others (people I highly respect) don't feel I'm fit for. I have to weigh my desire for man's approval against my desire for God's best in my life. Would appreciate continued prayers. :)

"You are the Center of it all"
THe universe declares in awe
Your Majesty, I surrender all.

Love Jesus, love the world, Love is what sent Jesus to earth, what sent him to the cross, what will send him back to get us. IN the meantime, we are his hands and heart to love the Nations. The scriptures that speak of the compassion of Jesus always make me cry. I want to show compassion. I want to share Jesus' heart. I want to make a difference if only in ONE life. Sometimes I can be rough around the edges. Sometimes I think more about myself than others. But God is grooming me so He can use me most effectively. I'm so glad He sees my potential and my willingness to change every single day.

I love Him so much

Snow, dances and decisions

Wow, it's almost nine o'clock at night and I'm just now fillign in my blog for today.
It's been an awesome day for me. I don't know why. Just feels good. It snowed all day yesterday and there wasn't one spec of snow on the ground. How funny is that? It was fun to watch though. I fixed a deer stew and built a fire. I felt like Ma Kettle.

Tonight my son won his Homecoming basketball game and then we had to pick him up because more snow actually DID start tonight and is sticking like a tongue to icy metal. Roads are bad. He's mad because guess what? His dream girl wanted to dance with him at the dance afterward. Poor kid. I think he's only in basketball in the first place so he'll have a chance with her. I'm sorta glad he got snowed out. :) I'm not ready for him to be in love.

I'm writing my first CLAIRE book. I absolutely love it. Every day I sit and feel like I'm journaling. I can't wait to hold the published copy in my hands.

The word from God for me today was listen to HIM and get my eyes off what people think I should or shouldn't do. It goes back to making him the center of it all. I have a BIG and I mean HUGE decision to make and I need to know it's God. Not everyone will be happy with the decision if I make it in one direction so it's hard to know what's right. It has to be GOd, not people that I look to for my confirmation. I know not everyone is on my side. Right? It goes back to to motive. My pastor says "faith begins where the will of God is known" If I know for sure this is God's will I can move ahead no matter who opposes me. If not, I don't need the battle. :)

"You are the Center of it all"
The universe declares in awe
Your majesty I surrender all

Love Jesus, Love the world.

Love my Lips

Okay,
So yesterday afternoon, my daughter called me into her room to listen to this great song. She's a teenager, so I'm thinking I'll have to listen to GRITS or TOBY MAC (two Christian rappers). Instead I find myself listening to Veggie Tales silly songs. I Love My Lips. It's a nonsensical song Totally without purpose. LOL

So today, I borrowed it from her. I need a silly day. I've been working way too hard!

I'm rockin; to Silly Songs today. I need to lighten up. :)

If my lips ever left my mouth, packed a bag and headed south,
that'd be too bad, I'd be so sad
If my lips said adios, I don't like you. I think you're gross
That'd be too bad, I might get mad.

:) And so on....
So today, love Jesus , love each other, Love Your Lips!!!
Pray for the children being exploited from the orphanages in Tsunami areas.

Criticism

I was criticized yesterday. More than once! Isn't that just the way it is? I thought I was doing great, but I got the wind knocked out of my sails.
I'm learning to roll with the punches. These last few months have been like that for me, a rollercoaster of praise and defeat. Through it, God is teaching me what it is to love His people.

Did you know that people you love and respect are actually fallible???? They can be wrong. They can be wrong in their opinion about you and nothing you do or say will change their opinion. I've learned that in recent months. Oh, it hurts!! I want to shout, "YOU DON'T KNOW THE REAL ME! IF YOU DID YOU COULD NEVER THINK I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR FRIEND!"

I don't like being an outsider. Outside the clique, unacceptable to people I admire. It's painful to give everything I have to give and still miss the mark. To be forced to throw up my hands and admit that I've come to the end of my ability.

I have a lot of people in my life who love me. People who think I'm wonderful. People who aspire to be like me. (YES it's true!). I pray I never hurt them. I want to remember this pain so that I remember how precious every heart is to Jesus. I want to look at people through love and give them the benefit of the doubt. It's easy to grow cynical. To be one-sided and short-sighted.

That's all for today. Not exciting. Not fun. Just where I am.
Life is hard sometimes.
God is good always.
I'm His.

You are the Center of it all
The Universe declares in awe
Your Majesty, I surrender all.

Love each other. Be kind. Love Jesus above all.
Oh, Jesus, thank you that I'm good enough for You.

The center of it all

New Year's Eve marked a time of new beginnings for me in a real way. I've always steered clear of resolutions because--okay, I admit it--I'm weak. I NEVER stick with my diet, exercise, or read the Bible in a year, plan. But this year, I felt something different wash over me during our New Year's Eve Service. My pastor wrote an illustrated sermon centered around the Hillsongs song, The Center of it All.

Is God at Core of everything I am? Every goal I set? Every song I sing? Every word I write? If not, WHY not? I've had some real times of reflection since New Year's Eve. God has spoken clearly to my heart that everything I do has to be a direct result of HIS will for me. I don't always take time to listen. Then I get myself committed to things that aren't exactly the right course and I have to walk them out before I can move back over to the place where I veered off. I don't like having to travel around the mountain over and over again before I get it right. Do you?
I begin this year with hope. This year I will listen to the still small voice. I won't be so impulsive. I'll wait so that everything I do is a burst coming from the Center. I WILL put that mountain behind me and move toward the Promised Land.


You are the Center of it All
The universe declares in Awe
Your Majesty, I surrender All.

That's all for today.
Love Jesus, love each other, pray for those devastated by the Tsunami.

I'd rather be blogging than jogging

My web lady, Misty Taggert, got my new site up and running today. WOW is the absolute best word for what she delivered. I gave this woman pretty much a one line idea that went sort of like: "Um. Can you do something with old TV shows?" And this is what she gave me. That's what you call God-given creativity.

Also, I love blogging!! No wonder it's such a popular pasttime now.
Words make me happy. I was all set to walk on my treadmill tonight, but this is so much more fun!!

Misty says I can change the title of my blogspot. Should I?
I was thinking of : Leave it to Tracey. :)
If anyone reads this...give me your vote. "Tracey's Thoughts" or "Leave it to Tracey."